I bet you couldn’t wait to open this post!

What, you thought you were the only one struggling with something this month?

It’s called the month of Av* for a reason. 

It’s the month of archetypal Daddy issues for us all. 

Personally, communally, (and probably even professionally) if I think about it. 

I had a moment the other day when I was sharing a memory about my father’s 40th birthday party. 

I remember it vividly because my mother had pulled off an epic surprise and we kids were so excited to be involved. We gifted him with a comedy CD that he loved (You Don't Have to be Jewish*) and had him listening and laughing in the kitchen, while a group of his friends snuck into the dining room for a party. 

It was the birthday he promised he would start eating fish, (he promised my mother when they got married that he'd start eating fish at age 40... because it seemed like such along time away,) and his friends arrived with fish platters, lox, and also jelly fish for the occasion. My siblings and I were antsy with the excitement of it all. 

And I was sharing the story with a friend, I had this moment of shock. 

In that memory, my father was just a few years older than I am now. 

There was once a time when he was MY AGE. 

In general I’m pretty good about seeing people for who they are in their humanness. 

But seeing your parents that way unlocks a whole new level of game changing growth. 

In my work I often listen to the stories clients have around their parents. 

How they were shaped by them. 

Hurt by them.

Loved by them. 

Learned from them. 

It’s a delicate balance to hold. 

Learning to see our parents as human. 

And also knowing that they are not really human. 

They're G-dly messengers of the life force we breathe.

No matter who are parents are to us.

They are also the ones who gave us the gift of life.

And that will always make them just a little untouchable, out of reach, and mysterious. 

People think therapy or healing is about mastery. 

There was a time i thought that too. 

Today I’m embracing more of the mystery. 

Healing and growth is about surrendering more to the mystery of life, without needing to control it all.

The people who came before us

Our fathers, mothers, Hashem, 

Our lineage and ancestry.

They were human,

And also so much more.

And one day, we pray we will be that for our children and descendants as well.

I stole this meme off my brother in law’s WhatsApp status the other day:

It so beautifully captured the energy I’ve been working through this month. 

And it also expresses something powerful about the work we’re going to do together at the Immersive Breathwork event August 19 in Toms River, NJ.

We aren’t just breathing underwater and rebirthing ourselves. 

We’re giving ourselves the opportunity to reorient our entire lineage. 

The link in an endless chain spanning back to creation. 

The program at the Immersive Breathwork changes from year to year, we never do the same thing twice...(I already told you how much I dislike reusing playlists!)

But each year there is a component where we get to revisit who we are in the link of creation.

We revisit how we see our parents

See G-d 

See ourselves

And how our children see us. 

We come out of the event seeing the world through new eyes. 

Av leads into the month of Elul

Av- working through our “daddy issues,” working through our perspectives on where we come from leads us into Elul - Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li,” the experience of encountering the beloved.

We’re all looking for love. To feel love. To be loved. 

It starts here. 

With an orientation towards love that begins with an orientation of life itself. 

There’s a part of me that’s secretly glad the breathwork event had to be rescheduled. Getting to do it after tisha b’av and going into Elul* is a new vibe for me and one I’m excited to experience. 

I hope you’ll consider taking this deep dive with us! 

Fally

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* Av means Father in Hebrew

* Anyone else feel like this might be the soundtrack to their childhood? Anyone else still know every darn word by heart?!

* There’s something amazing being planned for next month! A one day event for men and women hosted by myself and Rav Daniel Kohn of Bat Ayin. Details to come, but circle Thursday, September 12 as a tentative date. (Upstate NY area). The people who attended the event we did last September are still talking about it. And I am getting so excited about this. 

Open to men and women, space will be limited to 40 participants so stay tuned for when registration opens. Tickets will sell out fast. 

* Today, Gimmel Av is the 21st Yahrtzeit (anniversary of death) of my beloved cousin Tzippy Lemmer/Klein. She passed away just before the age of 23, newly married, leaving no children and our hearts shattered. Anything you can do for her neshama would be so appreciated by our family. חיה צפורה פאלא בת משה