My toddler is in the no stage. 

Except he doesn’t say no. 

He has this hilarious way of proclaiming, “But I don't” as if that’s a complete sentence and requires no further clarification.*

“Deeds, can I give you a hug?”

Big blue eyed stare…. “But I don’t.” 

“Deeds, come help!”

Impeccably raised eyebrow ....“But I don't.” 

We laugh about it because it’s super adorable… when a two year old does it. 

It’s not so funny when we do that. 

I love the feedback I get from you on these emails*. It’s heartwarming to know that they touch so many of you, and that my words and reflections land in ways that matter. 

I also love the feedback that teaches me something new and important. So feel free to let me know “what you don’t.” (...According to Deeds, that's a complete sentence). 

A reflection I received recently pointed out that I very often write about the things that I don't. Things I don't like, don't resonate with, and don't work for me anymore. 

And that I spend much less time writing about what I do. 

Eeesh. That be true. 

Because truth is, how many of us really know what we want? 

We know we don’t want pain. We don’t want anxiety. We don't want to feel stifled. We don't want heartbreak. We don't want lots of things.. But when was the last time we heard the still voice inside breathily whispering our deepest soul desires into being?

I spent last week teaching the second season* of the QuintEssence Breathwork training. 

Five full days surrounded by the most incredible, joyous, dedicated and awe inspiring facilitators. We laughed, we danced, we slowed time (for real!*), we prayed, we breathed, we danced, we cried, we played with sound, and every few minutes I had to keep reminding myself that this was real. 

Not that long ago, had you told me this was going to be my life, I wouldn’t have been able to believe it. My dreams for myself were so far removed from anything that could ever look like this. 

I used to keep my dreams small. 

Delicate. Appropriate. Petite.

That’s if I dreamed at all. 

It took years and a lot of reflection by really wonderful people to begin to trust that my dreams weren’t selfish. That it was okay to have a Self that desired things. That maybe dreams were my soul, my life force, speaking, working through me to help me live life at the level only the deepest parts of me trusted were possible. 

At some point in the training week, my upcoming course Vessel was the topic of conversation. Around 90% of the students had taken Vessel before and were sharing about how that course changed their lives. 

How Vessel opened their eyes to the worlds of possibility. How without Vessel they would never have even thought to step into the training space to become facilitators. How, despite some of them having joined years ago (our first cohort), they’re excited to be back for a sixth round! 

I do really well teaching a group. 

Not so much receiving from them. 

It was weird and awkward listening to them rave about the course. 

And I shut it down and moved on really quickly. 

I probably shouldn’t have though. 

Later, when I thought about it, I realized my discomfort was just an old shadow of the part of me that used to think it wasn’t okay to want things. 

To celebrate. To thrive. To live. 

To be seen. 

It’s hard to be seen by others when we’re not yet comfortable seeing ourselves. 

“But I don’t,” is a line I’ve often repeated in therapy, with friends, and in casual conversation. 

“But I do” is something totally new for me. 

I’m not fully there, but I’m stepping into it more. 

Rosh Hashanah is approaching and I’ve made a do list. 

Not a "to do" list. 

Just a Do list. 

The things my heart calls for.

My Self yearns for

The things I do. 

I do Vessel.

Because Vessel is the safe space the still small voice inside of me needs in order to feel free to dream again. 

We all deserve to dream again. 

Tomorrow is the last day to take advantage of the $250 discount for early registration. 

It's going to be an exceptional year,

Fally

* Which is oddly hilarious because his name is Yedidya. First comment from a cousin when his name was given… “Yedidya homework?” He’s the child we call Deeds because he’s always doing something, and yet his terrible twos make us want to call him “Don'ts”. 

* I read every email that comes in. Can’t possibly answer them all, but please keep em coming! I love hearing from you!

* Instead of calling it Module 2, someone in the class called it Season 2 and it totally stuck. What happens in training, stays in the training, but it would make for fantastic entertainment! (Next Breathwork cohort begins after Pesach. Vessel is a prerequisite.)

* On day three of training we time traveled. And at the end of the day a few people’s watches got funky. Time stood still, ran backwards, and generally bent itself out of shape for us. Sounds straight out of Hogwarts? So. Much. Better. 

* Some of you have reached out for scholarship options. There are limited seats available. Reach out again after Rosh Hashanah for the application form. 

* Unrelated, but in just a few weeks I’ll be taking applications for my Hypnotherapy facilitation training. Vessel is a prerequisite for anyone seeking to apply.